New Years Resolutions (In Reverse)

Well, today marks the beginning of "New Year Weekend". In the spirit of that holiday, I thought I'd go ahead and offer some resolutions that anyone can make and keep. So, below are 20 resolutions you might seriously consider. These are perfect for you if: you don't want to try this year, if you want to be a sasquash, if you want to look grossly different next year at this time, if you just want to let yourself go, etc. Just say them aloud to yourself as many times as it takes for you to start believing them:

1. This year I plan to pack on the pounds.

2. This year I am going to max out every credit card I get.

3. This will be the year that I never spend a minute exercising.

4. In 2008 I am going do my best to remain unemployed.

5. In the event that #4 doesn't work out, I'll try harder to do more websurfing at work.

6. I do not plan to read any books this year or learn anything new.

7. I am going to trust every democratic politician I listen to.

8. I will strive to complain about everything.

9. This year I will spend time making up and spreading dirty lies and rumors.

10. In '08 I will pick up a healthy habit like smoking or buying lottery tickets.

11. I will buy as many household pets as I possibly can.

12. In regards to #11, I may become the neighborhood cat lady (or cat man).

13. This year I will not eat fast food but instead, I'll dress down & eat at soup kitchens.

14. I will leave my car running as much as I can so as to emitt as much pollution as possible.

15. I will not wear socks, shoes or shirts when shopping at stores.

16. In 2008 I will attempt getting gum disease by refraining from dental hygiene.

17. This year I will call in sick to my pastor once a month.

18. In the coming days I will begin a trend of spending money on video games.

19. This year I will lose my license.

20. In 2008, when people I don't care for talk to me, I will always act like I've lost my voice so I don't have to converse with them.

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